mother said I was a dancer before I could walk

2003-11-27T16:45:00.000+02:00

I asked mum for some money a couple of days ago and I just realised that she'd given way too much, as usual. It's nice that my parents want to support me financially, but sometimes they get to my nerves because I feel like such a charity case. It's a very unpleasant feeling, swallowing your pride, I mean. I know it's not wise to live like an ascetic, either. I mean, I haven't had money to eat properly but that's my problem, I don't want to whine and beg for the money. Maybe it's because I know I really don't have to beg for it, I know my mum would be perfectly happy to pay my rent (she's offered to pay it, but HELL NO!), so, she'd give me the moon if I'd ask for it. But, however, I'm not a spoiled brat who'd probably take advantage of the situation. I've always been very mean with money, perhaps too mean as the fact that I don't like buying food because it costs too much shows.
...Parents are a whole different species, and that's a fact.

Well. I'm off to Helsinki/Espoo in half an hour. I was there last weekend, too, and am going on this weekend again because A) I can now afford it and B) it suits better than Heikki coming to Tampere. We've both got some studying to do and as Heikki's involves using a computer and I don't have one yet at home, it's a lot more sensible that I go there and fill my head with grammar while he does whatever (boring)stuff he has to do with the computer. I'm not particularly looking forward to the "filling my head with grammar" part, I think I'll find watching telly more inspiring.

(What fun! The Spell Checker wants to replace Heikki with "hickey"!)

2003-11-25T17:50:00.000+02:00

Blast. I would've wanted to send my friend an e-card, but this stupid machine won't let me. I tried to send this cool one to Heikki last week, but it didn't work then, either. Stupid thing... grrmm. Oh, well. Perhaps it's better this way as those e-cards can be quite annoying, especially when you open it and, without any warning, some irritating tune starts playing while you're in the library/computer lab/any public place. Or, if you don't have speakers, you get a card that you believe to be perfectly innocent but it turns out to be a picture of a guy shaking his behind with your name attached to it.
So, e-cards are nice, but only to a certain extent. This card that I tried to send to my friend is fromBluemountain, which I visit every now and then (provided that I'm very bored).

Happy news regarding my studies: finished the grammar essay! This is truly a happy day, only 6 exams and one essay deadline left before Christmas holiday. It's easy living from now on, I tell you. Only two of those exams are worth worrying about, but I decided to worry about all of them because it really doesn't make any difference, the amount of stress is the same anyway. I'm SO afraid of the grammar test, not the skills test, but the theory test. It really scares me as I've always managed perfectly well without any knowledge of the theoretical side of this language (perhaps a little exaggeration here).
Another happy piece of news is that my translation teacher finally gave me the grade 3(which is the maximum) on my text, although I had the worst feeling about it after I'd sent it to him. Translation is great fun, I think. It's a shame we don't have any next term, it's the only class I've never skipped!

Oh, I bought that television a week and a half ago! It hasn't really changed my daily routines, I still do homework 90 per cent of my free time. But it's nice that I'm able to watch films whenever there's a good one on (hardly ever, it seems) and don't have to stare at the wall when bored. The only films I've watched so far are X-Men and Cast Away, neither of which looked very good on my (too)small screen. I don't mind, though.

Got to start writing a response sheet now, otherwise I'll never get home. I really need food, haven't eaten anything save two loaves of bread.

2003-11-15T21:50:00.000+02:00

Is he cool or what? I'm suffering of post-CATS madness, surfing the net for pictures and other related material, just so I wouldn't lose this overexcited and overwhelmed feeling. I obviously had been looking forward to the show because I really had to make an effort not to cry all the time. I felt this big lump in my throat from the very first note and my eyes kept watering and I had to swallow a great many times before my heart settled and I could watch the stage again. The strangest feeling ever! It's not very much like me to get so emotional before anything has happened, I do cry a lot but usually when there's a reason for it (e.g.somebody dying in a film).

Oh, well. CATS was great on film, but nothing beats the feeling you get in live performances. Although, I have to admit, Rum Tum Tugger was better on the filmed version than on the one I've just seen. Can't say much about the others, Rum Tum is, in my opinion, the most charismatic character and therefore can easily be taken over the top, as I think this one did...What's his name? Um...it's on the programme somewhere, ah, Paul Warwick Griffin. He was good, but not that good. Interestingly enough, he seems to have performed the part of Frank-N-Furter in The Rocky Horror Picture Show. I'm not the slightest bit surprised, though, as the characters do have something in common. The sex-appeal, I guess.
I remember me and Jade watching CATS on video in Lahti and, having just watched TRHPS too, found it extremely difficult not to compare the two characters (and to drool over them, if you will excuse the expression).

Let's face it, I can't talk about anything else right now, the experience is too fresh.
I think I'll just go to sleep and dream of cats.

2003-11-12T16:07:00.000+02:00

Television obsession getting worse. Need a television. Whatched 80's Show and half of Six Feet Under on Heikki's portable TV (yes, it's true, he has one).
Skipping all lessons today. Feeling bad.
Bad Hair Week.

That sums up my day/week/life.

2003-11-10T13:58:00.000+02:00

I'm planning on buying a television. Oh NOooo! But I must succumb to the overwhelming desire to watch stupid gameshows, reality-tv and, most of all, days of our lives, otherwise I'll burst. Yesterday was plain torture, as I had nothing to do, not even homework. I just listened to the radio alot and found some new stations I never knew existed in this part of the country. I always thought Groove FM and Radio City were audible only for those living in Helsinki.
But anyway, about this TV in question, I'm not sure I'll get it, because a friend of mine is probably selling it but doesn't yet know how much she'll ask for it. Hopefully not too much, I'm not that desperate. I really wish she'd decide already, I'm anxcious to waste my life glued to the box.

Another nice thing to note: Heikki's coming today! I've been so miserably lonely for the past week and now it's all goig to be OK again, for a while anyway. I'll admid it: I'm just a lovesick kook.

Got to rush now, literature lecture just starting!

2003-11-07T15:35:00.000+02:00

I don't have any lectures or classes today but decided to come to school anyway. I've been sitting here in the computer lab for at least three and a half hours now, trying to write an essay on the pronouns he,she and it, and it's driving me crazy! The essay's due date is 26th so I'm in no hurry, but I can't get past this attitude that writing a grammar essay is horrible, although it doesn't really differ from any other essay. I guess reading the material once more might work wonders but, oh, how ever so boring it is! I've got the general idea and some sort of an order for the things I'm going to deal with, but it's the actual process of writing that puts me down every time.
I'm so bored. And actually planned to continue this tomorrow, which is Saturday, for god's sake!

Yup. I think I'll call it a day. One page was a realistic target and I've got one and a half, that'll do for now.

Off to get some dinner!

2003-11-05T16:56:00.000+02:00

Oh, it's a drag when you've decided to work extra hard on something and then end up skipping lessons and sleeping through lesson and, what more? Well, forgetting you even have a lesson would be a good one but I haven't gone that far yet. At the moment I'm at stage one, which is the one where you skip the lessons and feel very, very bad about it for the rest of the day.
So, I skipped Italian today because (this is the best explanation I could come up with) I've skipped that lesson only twice before. And I do feel bad because Italian is one of my favourite subjects here, not just because the teacher is charming and handsome (middle-aged, but well preserved, like Sean Connery), but because I would really like to learn it thoroughly. It's funny, though, that Italian is the subject I feel most like skipping, perhaps because I never prepare for those lessons and therefore dread the teacher might ask me to give the present forms of, for example, the word "capire", which means "understand" (my answer would propably be "non capisco!"). Fortunately Mr Fornaciari is easy-going and never loses his temper with the ones who are thick-headed or just plain lazy (which am I?)

It strikes me odd how difficult it is to learn a whole new language. Learning English and even Swedish seemed so easy, or perhaps more correctly, it seemed to happen without even noticing it. I know it has something to do with the age in which one begins to study the particular language, that childred of a certain age are more apt for it, but still, I didn't expect it to be this hard. Maybe it's the style of teaching or something, I don't know (or the style of studying).
I'm taking Latin next term and I'm terrified of it already. Some of my friends are on that course now and they're complaining about it all the time. I don't know how I'll manage to do both Latin and Italian at the same time, though they're not that similar. But even so, the idea of having two completely new languages scares me as I feel like I've lost whatever knowledge I used to have of English. The downside of studying a language, at least form me, is the feeling that the more you study the less you actually know about the subject. How very encouraging. :D

Katja just phoned me and said she's coming to Tampere today. That's nice! I didn't feel like going home yet anyway, because what else could I possibly do at home but homework (and possibly sleep)? Noora and me talked about this yesterday and came to the conclusion, or at least Noora did, that doing homework before, during and after school is way too much and is sure to result in some kind of mental breakdown. I'm not stressing out as much as she is, about homework, that is, but I do feel a bit confused about which subject to take as a minor and so on. I'm looking at the bigger picture and it really causes me stress. I'm not saying that I like the excessive amount of homework we get every week, on the contrary, I seem to have completely lost my social life because of it. I never go out anymore, even more seldom that I used to (and that was once a month or less). Of course when Heikki's here I have some kind of a life, but yeah, I'm always at home studying.
Please be so kind as to SAVE ME!

2003-10-27T13:00:00.000+02:00

I just remembered this one more thing about my visit to home: I watched TV! For at least an hour or more. Why is this worth mentioning? Because I hadn't watched TV in over a month, not even glanced at anything on TV. So, what do I do when I finally get the chance? Watch Xena, of course.

Sorry, this felt like something I shouldn't keep from you.
:D

2003-10-27T12:32:00.000+02:00

It's a happy happy monday again and a happy happy week to look forward to!

OK, that's enough sarcasm.
I had a very... um... full weekend. First of all, mom stuffed me with all kinds of treats. Secondly, I had loads of stuff to do. I went home (to Riihimaki) on Saturday to get the things that were left behind when I moved (because they didn't fit into our car). I never knew I had so much stuff, I mean, not just things, but stuff! There was this unrecocnizable pile of things on the floor when I entered my room and I didn't really feel like tackling it. But I had to do it, as my mom is overly anxious to turn my old room into a sewing room. When I moved most of my things and clothes to Tampere about three or four weeks ago, I didn't feel especially sad or shaken in any way, I was just excited and overjoyed because I finally got to do what I'd been dreaming about for so long. To start living on my own, that is.

But on Saturday, when I went through my old papers and basically everything I owned, I felt as though I was an outsider or somekind of a trespasser. It was sad. I didn't want my mom see me cry over a couple of old schoolbooks, so I didn't, although I think I should have cried then because I cried anyway later back at Tampere while going through some stupid old diaries and short stories I wrote when I was about 10. Heikki was there, but I think he mistook my mood as somekind of whim. It just strikes me odd that I no longer have a home. Mom said that no matter how much she changes the room it'll always be MY room, but that's not the way it goes. It's just a room now. There's nothing more to it.

I've been feeling a bit down since Saturday, although I know I shoudn't. I've got that bed now (and I now know what they mean by "a good night's sleep") and a carpet, too. I'm building a new home. I think it's more of a nest than a home, though. Only that one small room is mine, the kitchen/livingroom and bathroom I have to share with this girl I don't really get along with. She's too neurotic, always tidying things up and making me feel like I'm a trespasser there, too. Fortunately, I've got my room, my warm and cosy nest which is all mine to decorate and keep. But you know, that girl... she sometimes drives me crazy and, oh, poor Heikki has had to listen to me going on and on about some things she does that I find irritating. If YOU knew those things, you'd sympathize with me, I'm sure.

But hey, I'm not complaining (by no means, no!). I'd love that flat even if I lived with someone with ALL the qualities I find least favourable in a person.

Well, what else? Yeah, it's winter all of a sudden. That's fine now that I've got enough clothes to bear the cold! :D Last week was a bit difficult because I didn't have woolen socks or even a proper scarf.

2003-10-23T12:10:00.000+03:00

This morning was the worst morning ever. At least since summer. You can't possibly even imagine what it feels like to wake up with the kind of headache that your world just spinns round and round every time you try to stand. I mean, you can't imagine this if it's never happened to you. Well, as you might already have guessed, it happened to me today and it took me quite a long time to finally get up and ready to go to school, as much as I would've wanted to stay in bed. It's funny how I haven't had these headaches in, what, at least three months now. Wow. I don't think I had one this bad during the whole summer. I just told my friends about my headaches this monday, how I haven't had one in a loooong time and that I think they're suddenly stopped alltogether. I didn't knock on wood, so, here's the price I have to pay.

Heikki came to stay yesterday. I would've liked to have been a bit more cheerful, I just lay in bed moning. There's really nothing else to do when you've got a headache. But hey, enough with the suffering. I get my bed today! Hurrah! I'm ever so happy! They'll bring it sometime between four and nine so I'll have to wait at home.

I guess we're going out tonight, after the bed has come, naturally, but not really going out as such, just for a pint in O'Connel's and perhaps for a round of Trivial Pursuit. I'm in love with O'Connel's. It's the best Irish pub I've ever been to and fortunately it's not that far from my flat. First things first! :D It's the coolest place in every way. But, I have to admid that I'm quite easy to impress, givent that I come from a small town that does not have "cool pubs", nothing even vaguely close to a "cool pub". I'm not that keen on bars or pubs but it's sometimes nice to just hang out and talk silly stuff with your friends.

Oh, I've been magically cured of the headache! For some reason I feel better after sitting in front of this computer. This is magic.

2003-10-21T12:02:00.000+03:00

The idea of blogging again seemed like such a nice and clear idea that I finally decided to carry it out. But, unfortunately, I didn't remember that the actual process of starting it all was this hard and that when I last struggled with Blogger, about a year ago, I had Hanna there to help me through all this stuff that is just plain gibberish to me. Am I really expected to know how to change the backround colour? Now, that I can do, I can possibly even change the font colour, but how on earth do I change everything else? I'm quite affraid of these codes and stuff because even the smallest change in it is going to change everything and then I don't know how to straighten it out. And I'm sure that if I asked someone more experienced in coding they'd just put a comma here and a dot there and then it would be all right again.
But, for the time being, I don't care what my blog looks like. It's not like I'm ever going to have a cool layout or anything, I'm here just to write and spend my long and ever so boring breaks.

Now that I've got all that complaining out of the way, I can move to something completely different and much nicer. That is, my new BED! I just bought it today and I'm so excited that I can't hardly wait to bounce on it and just lay on it for hours and hours. They'll deliver it on Thursday so I'll have to sleep on those hard and ugly mattresses for two more nights. Uh, not going to miss them!
It's so nice to be able to decorate a room just the way I like it. I've been longing for a bookshelf but that's just going to have to wait as this bed in question was quite an investment. Admittedly, I didn't pay for the bed, but still, a bed and a bookshelf at the same time is too much. I'll keep on dreaming.
But what I really do have to buy as soon as possible, is a table for my computer. Not having a computer at home is a drag but I can't bring it from RiihimÃƒÂ¤ki before I have a table to put it on. Does it strike you odd that I've been living here in Tampere for three weeks now and I still haven't got a bed or a table? It's perfectly normal in student circles, I hear.

I've got Narrative Fiction & Drama soon. We're reading Dracula at the moment and I'm simply loving it. I like it so much that I usually read the given chapters all at once and then feel very frustrated because I can't read more as it's not very wise to read too much ahead. We've got these questions for each week and although I hardly ever answer them as thoroughly as the teacher would like us to answer them, I try not to read more than necessary. I just can't figure out why I haven't read Dracula before. I remember almost buying it in Oxford but then I bought Shakespeare's Complete Works instead. Bram Stoker's my new hero (andhe was Irish :D).
Yeah, anyway. I feel like I'm taking this NF&D course far too lightly. As I said, I can't be bothered to answer the questions and, well... I know there's a test on December...
You know, I find it very difficult to start planning my studies because I haven't had a single test or essay or anything really. I feel like I'm walking on thin ice here. It's awfully nice to read novels and short stories and poems and do a little translation on the side, but everybody can read! I read a lot anyway, if it wasn't for this university I'd still read all the time. It's the analyzing and stuff that I'm affraid of.
I do like linguistics better, as difficult as it is, even for me, to understand. There's logic in linguistics.

Oh dear, what a blabber-mouth I am.